Langsung ke konten utama

Day 17 - Self Quarantine

It's day 17 working from home, after the government finally declared that it is dangerous to go outside and advised us, people who live in Jakarta especially, to stay at home and to work from home. But I am a government worker, and there is no way we can do this WFH thing 100%. I went to the office for the first two days, Monday and Tuesday, then Friday. On second week, I took the train again to go to the office on Thursday. And now entering the week 3, I have to go to the office on Friday.

This self quarantine has made my emotion goes up and down. For the first two weeks I was okay, mainly because my younger brother was still here, finishing up his internship at local public accounting firm. He finally had to go back, even though the authority advises not to leave Jakarta but this is a hard decision, his life is not here in Jakarta. So I told him the precautions he has to take after arriving at the airport, change his clothes, not to touch my parents, take a bath, and wash his clothes immediately. Right after he left I felt empty because something was missing. He's stayed for the last 3 months and my place started to feel like home, even though he was noisy. This condition really made me a little stressed and thus this unsettling feeling for these past few days keep bugging me. I am easily annoyed for most of the things, my leaky shower jetspray, the slow internet connection, my apathy friend regarding this pandemic, even my mom. I am getting angrier that my mom keep hinting that I should get married and I have to open up for someone new. I know I shouldn't be angry at my mom but I couldn't control it. This situation has brought the worst of me.

So I texted my friend, I just told my friend how I feel. Not my intention but I just feel the need to let it all out. I still don't feel any different. What is it? Is it almost that time of the month?

2020 feels like ages and I am not getting any better.

Komentar

Posting Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

frustrated, or maybe even depressed

First of all, this is just a personal blog trying to process my personal experience, emotions, and feelings in light of my personal recent events which cause this frustration. Part of why this is happening probably was because I had these thoughts for several years, of my fears losing the ability to use my hands, or legs. The ability to hear. I already lost the ability to see normally ages ago, which also, probably the cause of my accident. I would like to apologize in advance for this post, if it seems insensitive. Again, this is just me trying to process. I don't know why, but since 2019, my August has always been cursed - if I ever leave my nest. The recent accident was worse, I fell into the sea, while I was just walking through this dark, un-illuminated path small dock in Sorong and somehow my left arm hit something which resulted in a broken arm - wearing spalk during the 4 hours flight to Jakarta which continued on several days - and a surgery to install plate and screws. It...
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

A Story of Unsuccessful Romance: Chapter 1

 I Saw You Across The Classroom I would've never thought that the moment I saw him for the first time across our classroom was the moment that I would remember for the longest time. I was just a 14 year old kid who like pretty people with pretty eyes. Little did I know I would think over him over the years.. I got accepted to one of reputable public high school in my city, barely. My name was at the bottom of selection results, like, the last 5 people who got in to this school. Nevertheless, I was excited, of course. It was my dream to be a student here since it would help me path my way to go to reputable universities in the future. Back then, this school had two special programs, the acceleration program where you could study in high school for two years, and the international program - where you (were supposed to) learn all the subjects in English. I just finished my orientation and I was initially studying at grade X (ten) - 3. My mom, who was a high school teacher herself in a...
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya

A sudden realization...

 It's so funny that I just realized this, like at this actual moment, that the post above - where I wish I'll leave this earth first - happened exactly a year before my accident. Confused? Let me explain. I told you that I fell down and broke my arm, right? The one where I needed to go through surgery to install plates and screw in my bones until it fully heals. That one accident that I keep thinking even though it happened more than 6 months ago. I fell down the sea on August 8, 2025. I got a taste of death a year after I made that post. And I freaked out. I chickened out. I'm suddenly scared of the thoughts of dying, painfully and slowly. Looks like I just wanted an easy way out. A peaceful ending. Maybe in my sleep. Or a quick one where I won't feel a thing. But I tasted what it felt like when your limb broke down. The way I screamed that night when the emergency nurse was trying to put on the spalk on me so I can safely return to Jakarta taking a 4 hour flight. How ...
Posting Komentar
Baca selengkapnya