Gubak Surep

I wasn't sure before, whether to write it here or not, thinking that this story should be kept to myself (and a couple of people) and even if I want to make a memento out of this slice of my life, I should have just wrote it on my private journal. But yeah, I changed my mind. I've been practically sharing my thoughts here over the years, so I kinda want to do a little closure as well. And I don't intend to do a very simple closure like, "So yeah, long story short, I realise he will never reciprocate my feelings (even though I technically never confessed), I can never be with him and I am now officially over him. The End ." No, no. I have spent so many years, invested in this feeling, doing the stupidest things, ignoring the most obvious signs there were, and being delusional that I thought it's a curse that couldn't be helped. Noo, no. It deserves an epic, grande exit that needs my time, dedication, and my rusty storytelling skills to elaborate this story.

 I need to let this out. Think I've known this for a while, I just chose to forget it but, when my mother retires, she will go and come with me, live with me. In the past, I would've thought, it will be a long time til it happens, my mom's still teaching and it's gonna take years for that to happen. But now, she's gonna retire in 2 years and I'm still not married and there is a huge possibility that I'm gonna move out from Jakarta because the government changes the capital city of this country.  I have always had this thought for a while, I wanted to change nationality since I have no hope from this country. That looks like an easy way out, but when I brought this topic casually to my mom, she declines it, because whom she's gonna live with. She'd rather stay with me, it's an unofficial announcement that I'm the chosen child that will take care of her when she grows old. Look, I am not gonna argue about how that will make you special and you&