Gubak Surep

I was reading "Becoming", a book by Michelle Obama, when there's a part where she told us readers that time she was in high school where she didn't feel smart enough to be there. I paused, put my book down, and my mind start to wander to junior high school, when I was in 7th grade and trying my best to be a good student knowing that we got into the school because we had the best final test scores in the city. I was the only student from my elementary school, knew no one except my neighbor who lived behind my house who was also got accepted there. But we weren't that close, well tbh I wasn't close to the boys in my neighborhood back then as all I could remember is that they hated my presence and they always made fun of me. Aand yeah, so practically I was alone in that school. I didn't know how to make new friends and just waited until someone greet me. Tough times, tough times indeed for younger me.. So in the classroom, I sat in the front row, not only to

I've wrote some sentences here but I lost it and I can't manage to write it down anymore. Anyhoo It's raining, in June. If I were in Jakarta it'll be a long week of sunny days and while I'd be happy that my laundries will dry sooner, I'm still longing the rainy days with the gray clouds hanging above. So thank God I'm here in Padang where the weather is usually the opposite from Jakarta. To you: I don't know if you noticed my longing eyes, but yes I come to consideration that I can never get rid of my feelings towards you, hence the stare. But this time, I don't even wish that we'll end up together. Just spending time with you when we got together with our friends was enough for me. I know you felt nothing, don't cha worry about me. it's my feelings that I have to deal with. It has nothing to do with you. Carry on, live your life. I won't bother your life. I give up, long ago. But please ignore it if you caught me looking at you. I

There are days that everything you do is just right, that your day is just wonderful from the moment you open your eyes until late at night when you close your eyes to sleep. There are days that nothing's wrong. Just another day to pass by. You go to work, you see your colleagues, you eat, you work, and you come home. And then there are days when everything you do, everything you say, just.. wrong. You keep doing the same mistake at work, things you say upsets your colleagues, every decision you make just make your day worst. 22 April 2019, Earth Day, was definitely not my day.

where everything just makes you upset and doesn't go like it usually does.. Depok, 10 March 2016 It's been 2 weeks since the water here at my almost-5-years-rent-room goes bad. By bad, I mean somehow the dishwater from the sink infiltrates the water storage. The water coming out from the faucet is smelly, dirty, and absolutely not good for your skin. It ruins my meals plan (which I prepare by myself, because I can't wash the vegetables with that water), my Sunday market day (yes, of course. Can't buy anything if I can't even make the food), my hair, and my skin (itchy as hell). I didn't even wash this morning and only brush my teeth and wash my face in the workplace. HOW FANTASTIC! Not to mention that there was a disruption with commuter line, so the train ended the journey at Manggarai Station. To go to Sudirman Station, we, the passengers, had to take the feeder train. And it took a very long time until it arrived. What was happening, you say? Well appar

Why am I such a coward? Encouraging people around me to face and deal with their problems, assure them that it's gonna be okay but I can't do such thing to myself. Can't even convince myself to deal with mine. Leave me hanging for years and hiding. Scared to face it and let it rot. I hate it when I do that. Hate it more when I'm having a meltdown every once in a while. Hate it to the core that I'm picturing things again. Why do I exist again? If I am to bring nothing but pain. If I am to give nothing but empty promises. I hate it when I'm having this meltdown. I'm trying to convince myself, "hey, no one is perfect. Everyone has their own flaws." But mine? I think it's the worst. I hate myself when I'm having a meltdown.

"I’m done trying to get you. I can’t do it anymore. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out, but I promise I’m done making a fool of myself." Barney to Robin, How I Met Your Mother S08E08 Earlier this month I discovered something related to my long-term crush, which eventually turned out to be wrong but I still chose to believe it anyway. This thing was like my exit, because I need an exit, for me to move on with my life. I've spent so many years thinking about the same person and it got worse for the past two years to the point I can't handle it anymore. I have told practically everyone but him about my feelings, hoping that it'll reduce the speed of my pounding heart, the amount of imaginary life I'd had if I became his future partner. But, no. Every time I had a chance to meet him I can't help but stole a glance to see him, admiring how bright his eyes are. And the moment we were apart, I can't stop but thinking every moment I've

This story was originally posted on my Tumblr. Had to set it to private because of, reasons. This, is a story of How I Die…. No, no. It’s actually one of the sad story of a senior student. How she became so careless about her university’s life. It all began when a young maiden called Nedayah decided to click a subject oh her academic report. The Senior Thesis. A six credit subject that leads most of seniors to success, or never ending failures. There are many tears and blood and sad and painful stories behind this. No matter what, when you decided to graduate university or college from this path, you have to go forward. You have got to decide what kind of problem you want to take for research, what kind of methods you want to use, and what are the reasons why you choose this problem. So one day, Nedayah had an idea. That she will take a research about: the formulation of a local regulation about buildings. Her minds wandered for so long, thinking about what city she would choose.

Hello, 2019. First day of this Gregorian calendar and the first off day in weeks after having a full month of overtime work at my second unit of internship. I have used my time wisely: not going out and just stay at home doing things. Time, well spent ☺. 2018 was a good year. I was happier, compared to 2016 and 2017, but I carried a heavy burden on my mind because I was such a jerk and coward and chickened out. I am sorry. I am sorry that I just realized that I am not a good person. I am sorry for everything but the thoughts of every possibilities that might happen if I see you scared the shit out of me. Why am I like this? Why? I hated it. But I'm grateful. I met a couple of good friends who have the same jokes, similar taste of food, and love the idea of exploring new places other than shopping malls. They are the kind of people I didn't have when I was working at the last two different offices. I created so many memories with them that I will cherish til the end of my l