Gubak Surep

Hi 25 yo me! How are you? How is life? Good? Bad? Well,  I hope not as bad as you're doing this February 2016. Married? Who is he? Who's that unlucky male? Or still not married? Yea.. that's what I thought... Sorry. Well you know what? Whether you're married or not, starting today, going to the traditional market is on my weekly agenda you know, with Laura. Hope you're already know how to pick the best vegetables, fruits, or meat this time. where do you live now? still in Depok? come on..

Blay, apo kaba? Baa di sinan Blay? Den kangen ang, Blay.. Lai takana? Dulu ang payaaah bana didakekan Dipacik se dak amuah do Tapi duo tahun belakangan ang manjo, manjoo bana jo den Suko lalok di kamar den Lalok nempel ka den Kalau dak buliah masuak kamar, ang pasti cakar-cakar pintu mintak masuak Kalau den pulang ang selalu menghampiri Antah yobana sanang den pulang atau emang nio mintak makan Blay, makasih yo Blay. Alah mangawanan salamo den di siko. Moga-moga wak bisa sobok liak Elok-elok di sinan yo..

I woke up from a bad dream, that my mom somehow chose to leave this earth, and how she prepared for everything for us. Just before I confronted her about her choice, I woke up, sobbing really hard but no tears, had trouble breathing, and eventually shed a tear. This is the worst dream ever. Sure I had dreams like this before, that my mom passed away, but it was not like this. It was usually just people saying my mom's gone, but I never saw how or the exact moment she'd gone. But this dream, that my mom looked so much at peace that she could choose to go, without thinking that I asked her once not to go before seeing me successful, married and have kids, is so painful that I immediately sobbed and became so emotional. And to add that, I fell asleep at 8 pm and woke up at 08.30 pm because I had a dream too that my sister died. wtf brain. wtf.

I'm on the train to Jakarta Kota. Though I bought the return ticket from UI to Pasar Minggu, I took this train instead because just before I decided to take the Bogor train, my stomach hurt and I needed to find the less crowded toilet, which is in Pasar Minggu Baru station. Ok, too much (not that important) information ya? But let me explain why. I just figured out that if you think too much, or maybe just me, all the tension somehow managed to find its way to the stomach, assuming this kind of stress would be released through defecation. Well body, you're so damn wrong. This is torture. Just because I'm thinking about someone lately (you'd be surprised of how long is this), my heart beats faster. His image slightly crossed my mind, my heart hurt. I saw his name on random places, I felt like I've been electrocuted. I saw anything related to him, I held my chest as if I'm having a mini heart attack. And it happens every single time. I know exactly how to &qu

I like the Moon. Not only because it is used in Islamic calendar and Chinese calendar, or its light shimmered on a dark night, but also because an Indonesian famous author once romanticise the moon as something that connects two people who are separated by distance. The only real thing that they can see at the same time no matter how far they're apart (but of course it depends on the timezone). Not the Sun, which shines so brightly during the day, but the Moon 🌒, which brings peace after a loong day at work. So every time I see the Moon, I'd capture it and just tweet it, hope anyone who shares the same sky can see it too, and know they're not alone 🙂

I hope you're doing well. I hope your day goes well. I hope everything goes as you planned. I hope you're happy.

What were his final thoughts? What did he feel? What did he want to say? What did he wish to do one last time? Now did he really leave or is he still around? Watching, seeing Look after them for a couple of days Or weeks What is he doing now? Is he okay?

The land breeze stopped as the funeral finished. The sky turned dark and people started to drift apart, one by one, from his grave, my cousin's grave. I looked upon the west sky as I walked by his sister's side, the sky was still pretty clear and I could see the crescent moon shining brightly again, just like the night before. And I thought to myself, "It's a good day to take some rest, Adam." Saturday Morning I opened my eyes and reached for the phone to check the time. It was 9.40 am. Ah, yes. I decided to continue my sleep after subuh prayer. I was too sleepy to think about yet another imaginary future life with this particular person. This person has been on my mind for as long as I can remember and I didn't know it'd drain my energy to a whole new level. As beautiful as this imaginary life could be, as much as I want it happens in a real life, I took this sweet sweet candy floss to my bed hoping my brain could render the images on my dream. The su

Because of life Because life has the best sense of humour Because I'm counting days to the road, unknown Because some hormones spike up and spice it up Because my insecurities are still here telling me I'm not worthy Because no matter how much I convince myself everyone has different timeline, I'm still terrified Because I crafted these images on my mind Because you're the images on my mind

Tulus, a well-known singer in Indonesia once sang a song called "Gajah" (elephant), one of his beautiful songs from the same title as its album, which was released in 2014. The song tells us about his struggle when he was younger who was often called elephant, because of his appearance who they said to be a resemblance of this beautiful creature. He then also used this song to promote a campaign about elephant: #JanganBunuhGajah, especially Sumatran Elephants which face extinction, collaborating with WWF Indonesia. Being one of those people who also (claim) to fight for animals right (I haven't done much really), I started to post some contents to my Facebook page and Twitter about elephants, in order to raise people's awareness about the wildlife animals. I consider myself to be a rookie in this field, heck I even just started to dig more about elephant, their behaviour, their true nature, their population, and what danger faces them. A couple of years ago I went to

What's your dream job? If anyone asked me this question, my answer was and will always be: anything related to development jobs, specifically environment. Let it be administrative assistant, customer service, or heck I'm even willing to be just a volunteer.. I have this volunteer blood in my vein it's just I feel fulfilled if I am meant something to society, to help around. But boy can we support our life with all that? I am in the midst of this so called quarter life crisis like millions of people have. Twenty something and haven't found my way of living. You optimistic people call this status, the one I'm in right now, a jobseeker. But I'm gonna stick with the unemployed thing. Sound hopeless I know, but it's been 6 months and aside from 5 tests, 1 FGD, and 3 interviews, rejected applications, moving around in 4 cities, and a lot of walking around, I've accomplished nothing. It comes to the point where I just realised that... I am too dumb for my

I have to tell myself this Bitch, you gotta stop worrying about how much appreciation you'll get, how you have to start being good and feel good about yourself. Don't hesitate again, k? You're good, you're amazing. You're doing well. It's okay to put yourself out there. Don't mind the others. K? Ok??