Gubak Surep

Why am I such a coward? Encouraging people around me to face and deal with their problems, assure them that it's gonna be okay but I can't do such thing to myself. Can't even convince myself to deal with mine. Leave me hanging for years and hiding. Scared to face it and let it rot. I hate it when I do that. Hate it more when I'm having a meltdown every once in a while. Hate it to the core that I'm picturing things again. Why do I exist again? If I am to bring nothing but pain. If I am to give nothing but empty promises. I hate it when I'm having this meltdown. I'm trying to convince myself, "hey, no one is perfect. Everyone has their own flaws." But mine? I think it's the worst. I hate myself when I'm having a meltdown.

"I’m done trying to get you. I can’t do it anymore. I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out, but I promise I’m done making a fool of myself." Barney to Robin, How I Met Your Mother S08E08 Earlier this month I discovered something related to my long-term crush, which eventually turned out to be wrong but I still chose to believe it anyway. This thing was like my exit, because I need an exit, for me to move on with my life. I've spent so many years thinking about the same person and it got worse for the past two years to the point I can't handle it anymore. I have told practically everyone but him about my feelings, hoping that it'll reduce the speed of my pounding heart, the amount of imaginary life I'd had if I became his future partner. But, no. Every time I had a chance to meet him I can't help but stole a glance to see him, admiring how bright his eyes are. And the moment we were apart, I can't stop but thinking every moment I've