It's so funny that I just realized this, like at this actual moment, that the post above - where I wish I'll leave this earth first - happened exactly a year before my accident. Confused? Let me explain. I told you that I fell down and broke my arm, right? The one where I needed to go through surgery to install plates and screw in my bones until it fully heals. That one accident that I keep thinking even though it happened more than 6 months ago. I fell down the sea on August 8, 2025. I got a taste of death a year after I made that post. And I freaked out. I chickened out. I'm suddenly scared of the thoughts of dying, painfully and slowly. Looks like I just wanted an easy way out. A peaceful ending. Maybe in my sleep. Or a quick one where I won't feel a thing. But I tasted what it felt like when your limb broke down. The way I screamed that night when the emergency nurse was trying to put on the spalk on me so I can safely return to Jakarta taking a 4 hour flight. How ...
First of all, this is just a personal blog trying to process my personal experience, emotions, and feelings in light of my personal recent events which cause this frustration. Part of why this is happening probably was because I had these thoughts for several years, of my fears losing the ability to use my hands, or legs. The ability to hear. I already lost the ability to see normally ages ago, which also, probably the cause of my accident. I would like to apologize in advance for this post, if it seems insensitive. Again, this is just me trying to process. I don't know why, but since 2019, my August has always been cursed - if I ever leave my nest. The recent accident was worse, I fell into the sea, while I was just walking through this dark, un-illuminated path small dock in Sorong and somehow my left arm hit something which resulted in a broken arm - wearing spalk during the 4 hours flight to Jakarta which continued on several days - and a surgery to install plate and screws. It...