Gubak Surep

I was walking with my friends, former roommate and current roommate here in Depok, on our way to MUI to do taraweeh prayer when there were bunch of kids waiting for firecrackers to explode. Small scale of fire were lit, but the sound of explosion scared us a little. And as I am typing this, another one just exploded -_- "When I was younger, I only played with small fireworks and colorful candles", I made a sudden commentary as we continued to walk. "Me too", Dyta agreed with what I just said. We talked about something else as we passed the rail heading to the mosque, but my mind wandered to years ago when I was in elementary school and always looked forward to Ramadan month, the holiest month in Islamic calendar. No, not the part where we fast from dawn to sunset, because I once witnessed my friends intentionally drink a glass of water in the afternoon and recite "Astaghfirullah" for a 100 times 😂😂 (not me, I am proud to say I never broke the fast

I've lived and stayed at this very room for almost 7 years. It's just how I roll, once I'm comfortable with something, it'll be hard for me to leave it. Same with crush. I find myself thinking about the same person after all these years. There were times I denied it, justifying things and said I was only attracted because of his perfection. But as time passed, and I actually had a few personal talk with this person, I liked it. Without I realized it, I took some of his advice and always took some consideration of his opinions. I'm emotionally invested with this feeling I am afraid it just won't do any justice for my future. I find it hard to open up to someone, to be close with literally any men I know. Whether it's because I am just delusional thinking I'd end up with him or I am just not that into relationship because of my inferiorities, I don't know. I gotta admit I never know what it's like to love someone and care at somebody's well b

Karena w pen biasa aja ngajak doi without being so obvious and nervous but anything about him just makes me nervous these days help.

feels like a threat you make me sweat but you're the one I wanna get I'd make a bet that God has let you and I to be met but I am afraid destiny has not yet set not until we see the sunset will I regret? if I forget your silhouette? I'd make a bet that God has set and then you said this is the outset I'd say kismet

Still. Stay still. Because I still. I feel. It doesn't heal. Feel like I'll kneel This is surreal do you feel? because I still if you feel let us be real

Hey. Sooo I really need to get this out of my chest asap. I'm stressed out. I am questioning again why did I choose public administration as my major years ago? I never thought that I'd face such insinuation because I graduated from the best university in the country. I am not that knowledgeable, knowing every aspect of my major, every issue in the country and can relate them both to analyze it. It only occurs to me that I can analyze things based on my simple observation, not remembering which theory came from whom and when. Being here, with people who have achieved things and are very well articulate to deliver their opinion and a piece of their mind somehow scared me. My simple minded way is nothing compared to them. I am currently mortified by the fact that I have no idea what to write for this proposal. Not to mention that not everyone has the spirit of sharing is caring. Gosh.

My driving license expired a long time ago, and I needed to make a new one so I asked my parents in December 2016, how to create a proper motorbike driving license. They said all the processes are legit and fast now, no need to "donate" some extra money to get it all done. But I need to take the required tests in the police station of course. It was Thursday morning, and my parents took me there. They waited and made sure that I got everything settled. My mom, who is a teacher, had no classes that day and my dad, he took the day off just to accompany me. At that time, as we were waiting for the police office to be opened, I thought to myself, "Why on earth do they need to accompany me? I can do it myself." And this situation brought me back to the moment of my registration day in junior high school. Most of my friends came by themselves, with their former elementary school friends, or just their  mom or their dad. Meanwhile I came with both of my parents and someho

The rain has stopped, and now I'm listening to a playlist on YouTube called Relaxing Rainy Jazz. The birds next door are chirping as I am trying to arrange my thoughts and write anything about me, what happened for the past year. So, I finally got a job. A permanent one, I hope. Haha. Yaa.. after a full year of struggling, I finally can make my mom cried with tears of joy. "Oh my daughter is now a candidate for civil servant. Her life is set," this is what I imagined her saying to her colleagues. I know, because that's exactly what she said to me. That she was relieved that finally I got a job. Not just a job, because I've had one or two before. It's becoming a civil servant. A parents' dream. I'd never thought that I could make my mom so happy just because I got accepted at one of the most prestigious ministries in the country. Wow. Thought I'd be a disappointment forever. No, don't get me wrong. I've always wanted to put