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Is it time to move on?

I've lived and stayed at this very room for almost 7 years. It's just how I roll, once I'm comfortable with something, it'll be hard for me to leave it.

Same with crush.

I find myself thinking about the same person after all these years. There were times I denied it, justifying things and said I was only attracted because of his perfection. But as time passed, and I actually had a few personal talk with this person, I liked it. Without I realized it, I took some of his advice and always took some consideration of his opinions. I'm emotionally invested with this feeling I am afraid it just won't do any justice for my future. I find it hard to open up to someone, to be close with literally any men I know. Whether it's because I am just delusional thinking I'd end up with him or I am just not that into relationship because of my inferiorities, I don't know. I gotta admit I never know what it's like to love someone and care at somebody's well being.

I don't know.

I am fine, actually. But I can't just think about what's happening and to ignore what my future will be if I keep being like this. Now that I finally (and hopefully) have a stable job, I suppose it's time to think about having a family myself.

ugh. can I?

Though everyone says that we have different timeline, we have our own pace, but I'm having a real slow timeline here.

And do I really need to move on? Of course, of course I do. I can't just think about someone who doesn't think about me, can I? Me and my inferiorities have to move forward and find someone who actually care, talk the talk, and walk the walk. I gotta stop asking God whether everything I listed were the signs that I'd end up with him.

No.

So, with this new life I'm about to embark, I hope I can find peace and move on from the one that's been on my mind for more than 10 years.

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