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A Story of Unsuccessful Romance: Chapter 1

 I Saw You Across The Classroom

I would've never thought that the moment I saw him for the first time across our classroom was the moment that I would remember for the longest time. I was just a 14 year old kid who like pretty people with pretty eyes. Little did I know I would think over him over the years..

I got accepted to one of reputable public high school in my city, barely. My name was at the bottom of selection results, like, the last 5 people who got in to this school. Nevertheless, I was excited, of course. It was my dream to be a student here since it would help me path my way to go to reputable universities in the future.

Back then, this school had two special programs, the acceleration program where you could study in high school for two years, and the international program - where you (were supposed to) learn all the subjects in English. I just finished my orientation and I was initially studying at grade X (ten) - 3. My mom, who was a high school teacher herself in another city told me to apply for the acceleration program. But, I knew my capability. To compete with the smartest kids in school? I mean it was the school full of smart kids but there were some exceptionally ambitious kids who were determined to get into that program. I was not.

So, I decided to try the other program, even though I was sure I was also less clever than other kids who I saw was taking this test, one of them was someone I knew from junior high school who I knew was way smarter than me. After taking the test (which was on Sunday if I am not mistaken), and waited for around 2 weeks, we finally got the result. He didn't get in, I did. I passed the test for international class program, which to this day I believe I was just lucky. Or my mom's prayers were strong enough to help me through. But to credit it to my own aptitude? Nah uh.

I checked my name over and over again on that notice they pasted on the wall. I couldn't contain my excitement. I was thrilled, of the thought that I could somehow make my mom proud.

I remember the first day of that class; we were waiting for the teacher to arrive. Padang was bright and hot as usual, but the classroom was pleasantly cool, a benefit of my school's Dutch colonial-era buildings. I heard the voices of students echoed from classrooms throughout the school. I was nervous, I didn't know anyone in the class unless that one student who went to the same junior high school as I did, and the other girl who was in the same class as I was prior to this new enrollment. However, I barely knew this boy since we never interacted whatsoever, so I sat next to K, the girl I barely knew. I realized they mostly knew each other since they went to the same junior high school, or elementary school, so I was a little nervous to befriending these girls and guys. The thought of my 7th grade came to mind, what if I get bullied the same way and I ended up not liking my high school moments?

While I was busy worrying and had these thoughts consumed me, the teacher finally entered the classroom and everyone went back to their seats. I was sitting on the the second row of the second line from the door, pretty much in front of the class. The subject was economics, and Mrs. Y asked us to stand up to do a little get to know each other thing. 

"Let's play a game, okay. I have this case of my glasses.." as she raised the case to show the class, "..which is empty. I will say my name, and I will pass the case to the person next to me. He or she will then restate my name and my intro - where I am from and what I like - as she introduces herself and pass it to the next person. And continue the cycle." She explained the rule of this little ice breaker.

We were passing her glasses' case to the next person and saying whom we got it from. I was standing in front of the whiteboard, barely remember who were standing to my left and right, but I remember who was standing across the room. A boy with a beautiful, bright dark eyes that captivated me even though my vision was bad at that time. I knew I need to renew my prescriptions. Maybe I was wearing my glasses, maybe not, but I remember I had to squint my eyes to see a clearer view. Yet, he still got me hooked. I was instantly fell for those pretty bright dark eyes. I would've never thought that the moment I saw him for the first time across our classroom was the moment that I would remember for the longest time. I was just a 14 year old kid who like pretty people with pretty eyes. Little did I know I would think over him over the years..


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これを書き留めておく必要があります。そうしないと、気持ちが溜まってしまいます。

 日本を離れるとき、心が痛みました。自分に誓ったのは、日本の更新情報を見ないということです。 事実、私はまだ友達の投稿や日本に関する更新情報を見ていました。傷ついた気持ちからそう言ったのです。それは私の人生で最も素晴らしい時期であり、終わらなければなりませんでした。 時々SNSを開きたくないと感じることがありました。彼らがまだ日本で生活を楽しんでいるのを見て、私は現実に戻らなければなりませんでした。悲しんでいましたが、前に進まなければなりませんでした 時々、まだそこで知り合った人たちに連絡を取り、何かを言ったり、彼らの近況を尋ねたりしていました。 しかし、もはや共通の話題がないため、会話は行き詰まりました。その後、彼らがグループチャットで話しているのを見て、取り残された感じがしました。少し奇妙な感じがしました。大げさに言えば、疎外された感じがしました。 ありがたいことに、あるいは悲しいことに、私には日課がありました。日本やそこにいるみんなのことを考えなくてすむような日課です。しかし、一人でいるとき、突然思いがよぎり、また悲しくなることがありました。まるで心に突き刺さる痛みのように。 時には、彼らの中の何人かがまだ個人的にメッセージを送ってきました。不思議なことに、忘れられていないという感謝の気持ちがあります。まだ彼らの生活の一部であり、冗談を言い合えるということです。 私は内向的な性格で、何よりも平和を選びます。彼らが連絡を取りにくいなら、おそらく私からは連絡しません。終わったものは終わったのです。良い時期を過ごしましたし、それを台無しにすることはありません。 ただ、1年前、2年前に起きたことについての通知を見たとき、それはあまり助けにはならないですね。それが私の人生だったのか、と思ってしまいます。 When I was about to leave Japan, my heart ached. I swore to myself that I would not look at any updates from Japan. The fact is, I still saw my friends' posts and updates about Japan. I said those things because I felt hurt. It was t...