Gubak Surep

5 years ago, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight back to Jakarta. I wrote about it then, on this blog, how I regretted going back to Jakarta before my birthday and leaving my mom on Indonesian's Mother's Day. Now today, I am at home. Only this afternoon we all gathered in this house. My brother and his wife, my sister and her friend who came to pick her up, and mom and dad. Now, I am the only child at home. My sister went back to Jakarta and my brother, well.. he's with his wife at his in-laws'.  I realize how quiet this house is, without my brother and my sister. Whenever they're here, I tried to make it as noisy as I can so my parents can feel how lively this house is with their children. I would find excuses to bother my sister, or to yell at my brother like we used to do when we were younger. But, they have their own life now. Well, I, have my own life too.    I am supposed to go abroad to continue my study, but my destination country chose to ✨close✨the

Hi. I just want to blow off some steam because the 29th of November, 2021 is so crappy I have to write it down to this blog. Today isn't exactly, crappiest from the moment I opened my eyes until the day changed. No. It's just, one thing to another, long story short, I kinda have uncertain departure and a very sloppy classes. For the past few days, omicron variant has been the topic on my twitter following. I thought it was just a tame, mild mutation of this freaking covid. Turns out, it makes countries banning and rising their restrictions again, no exception with my destined country. People were exceptionally noisy in the group chat everywhere, well of course, since it got us worried whether we're still good to go or not. I mean, we have flight ticket and visa on hand, but really, we really can never know the future indeed. The other pain in the ass is this assignment for one of my favourite class. Hecc, it's my favorite class this term. I was interested about the whol

Taylor Swift just re-released and reclaimed her album Red yesterday. A lot of people, including my acquaintances and friends, celebrated this moment. Taylor's battle with her former record label was long and I'm sure it's exhausting. Taylor even advised young, aspiring singers to get a good lawyer if they want to get to the industry. Entertainment world is infamous for its manipulating environment, and it's suffice to say Taylor's battle and win are worth it. But I'm here not to write about her win and how I play her songs over and over again. Her songs are good, well-written, and catchy, but I never entirely relate to her songs, simply because I never experience the painful breakups, or to be in love. I might be delusional for years, but looking back, I think that damn, what the hell was that? I am terrible at being close and vulnerable to someone. I am also bad at being committed, not just to someone, but to anything? Long ago I used to like CN Blue, and I wou

I've been using this app called Clue to track my cycle. One of the features is to track your energy which I noticed every time I have my period, it's always low. But today, especially this evening, when my period is already over a couple of days ago, I feel like I really don't have that much energy. Is there something wrong in my diet resulting this inconvenience? I admit I drank another palm sugar milk coffee from my favorite coffee shop this morning. And I didn't eat until it was late in the afternoon. I craved sugar so much I almost ordered another glass to satisfy my needs. But I didn't, I'm glad I can still control my appetite., Or is it because tomorrow is Monday and I still have classes from my preparatory program and another zoom meeting from work? These last couple of weeks have been testing my strength. I had nothing much happened in July until early August. Not that much zoom meetings, work is basically slow, it was perfect. I thought I could join the

yesterday afternoon, when I was all alone at my place since my sister went to work, I suddenly felt chills all over my body. Not long after that, I had runny nose, sneezes, and my body started to warm up. "Oh, no." I said to myself. "I need to take medicine before it gets worse." So then I ate the spaghetti I just cooked, and I took one tablet of bodrex which I kept on my fridge. I checked the expiration date before swallowing it with a glass of water. When I was about to have a cold, I usually just sleep it off without taking any medicines. I was never fancy of that method, if it's not that bad I'd rather sleep the whole day and chug a lot of water. Considering current circumstances, where a slight cough or fever could be indications of this disease we now call COVID-19, I finally chose to take the drug, then went to sleep. It was 5.30 pm when I dozed off, covering myself with blanket and not using any fan or AC. I wanted to sweat my body off, to let myself

I think it's completely normal to imagine your death, like what would happen if you're gone. I think the earliest time I was thinking of dying was in elementary school, when I had already been exposed to death scene from soap opera on TV. "What would happen if I die?", but that thought only stopped at that question and no made up scenarios I could have possibly thought of except "will my parents be sad and devastated?" Death itself was first exposed to toddler me. When I was around 3 or 4, when my parents still could only rent a house, a neighbor two blocks away passed away. As I sat next to his lying body I asked my parents who he was and what happened. "This is our neighbor. He passed away", my mom answered my questions. "What is passed away? Why" curious me kept asking the question. My memories kinda blurred, either mom scolded me and shush me and kept praying for the deceased, or she answered my question and told me, "it means he

Tonight is a bit warmer than usual, although I am pretty sure I keep hearing the thunder outside but the rain is still not falling down. I have my fan spinning on its maximum speed to keep my body cool even though I just took a shower in the middle of the night. It's late, almost 2 am, and I just had the sudden urge to write my stories for the last couple of days. I haven't had quiet night like this for a while, not since my sister kept using my desk to finish her college assignments. Also, I usually went to bed early. But I did not do that for a couple of nights, sleep early. The coffee I took might be the factor, but my noisy thoughts have been keeping me up at night. I didn't work out/exercise, you name it, so my body pretty much was not technically tired, since being tired is usually what got me to sleep. And I didn't make use of this extra time of the day to do something productive, instead I kept scrolling my phone, switching apps, or just scrolling my side accoun

Seeing how my parents now, I find myself that I kept repeating the same old chant. A negative one. And I know universe works on its own unexpected way, so I want to try a different approach. May I find someone who put me first, someone I can talk to about anything, who is wise kind and smart. I am working to be one myself, I am on my way to put my heart at ease, to love myself. To forgive how I was brought up. 

marriage

Counting on the days before going back to the capital city. Today I didn't join my parents on their daily morning walk, instead I tried random workout in my room, anything as long as I sweat. My mom planned to cook a lot of food, so I helped her peeling the shallots while munching some sala lauak that my dad bought afterwards. But the highlight of my day wasn't the tasty food I ate today, but it's the Among Us Polus lobby that I've played this evening. It's been a while since I've been on a nice lobby, with random people who just want to play with some strangers and chatted for a bit. It was really nice that I stayed for a couple of games. It's nice, it really was nice playing with them. It's been a couple of months since I started playing Among Us, and I gotta say that I love playing on public rooms, and it's always the North America servers. Sure, some of them were lame because of these underage kids cannot communicate and cheat, but I've actua