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Red


Taylor Swift just re-released and reclaimed her album Red yesterday. A lot of people, including my acquaintances and friends, celebrated this moment. Taylor's battle with her former record label was long and I'm sure it's exhausting. Taylor even advised young, aspiring singers to get a good lawyer if they want to get to the industry. Entertainment world is infamous for its manipulating environment, and it's suffice to say Taylor's battle and win are worth it.

But I'm here not to write about her win and how I play her songs over and over again. Her songs are good, well-written, and catchy, but I never entirely relate to her songs, simply because I never experience the painful breakups, or to be in love. I might be delusional for years, but looking back, I think that damn, what the hell was that?

I am terrible at being close and vulnerable to someone. I am also bad at being committed, not just to someone, but to anything? Long ago I used to like CN Blue, and I would watch every variety show they were in and listen to their songs. Then one day it just hit me, I am pathetic. Then I entirely stopped listening, or keeping up with their news. 

Another story, when it was in early pandemic, I chose to take ojek to my office, simply because I hope that I would help them to earn money (I know I was risking my and their health), then this lady would always wait for me, hope that I only take her ojek. I felt burdened and guilty so I would just walk (like I usually do before) or just ignore her and hopped on another ojek. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, I avoid at being attached to something/someone. I don't know why exactly I am doing this nonsense. Maybe I am just protecting my feelings? Geez, what a fragile one. Guess being constantly let down by others long ago have made me this way. I know, I know, it's my expectation of others that made me disappointed. But of course my solution to all of my problems is to avoid overcoming what's troubling me and run away instead. Truly one heck of solution from yours truly ❤️

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