Langsung ke konten utama

22 December 2021






5 years ago, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight back to Jakarta. I wrote about it then, on this blog, how I regretted going back to Jakarta before my birthday and leaving my mom on Indonesian's Mother's Day. Now today, I am at home. Only this afternoon we all gathered in this house. My brother and his wife, my sister and her friend who came to pick her up, and mom and dad. Now, I am the only child at home. My sister went back to Jakarta and my brother, well.. he's with his wife at his in-laws'. 

I realize how quiet this house is, without my brother and my sister. Whenever they're here, I tried to make it as noisy as I can so my parents can feel how lively this house is with their children. I would find excuses to bother my sister, or to yell at my brother like we used to do when we were younger. But, they have their own life now. Well, I, have my own life too.  I am supposed to go abroad to continue my study, but my destination country chose to ✨close✨the border. I was totally upset, because I was supposed to go there earlier this month. But now, I kinda see why there's a silver lining from this delay. I get to stay at home, accompanying my parents. Imagine if I'd gone, today must've been the saddest day of their life, because they'd be left alone. Not that it would be the first time for them, since my brother once went to Jakarta too, to do his internship for 2 months. But back then there was assurance that he'd be back home. Now, he can't do that. He shouldn't do that, coming here often. He's got his own family that he has to prioritize.

This quiet house got me crying. My mom is getting old, her energy isn't what she used to have. She's been having gout that her joints are in pain. She got more wrinkles in her face, in her hand. Damn, I choke while writing this. My dad seems great, but he has high blood pressure that'll get worse if he has a lot to think about. His memory is getting worse as he ages. I know that deep down both of them just want us, the daughters, to have family on our own. I feel like it will make them more alive and will become healthier. But, you know...

Mother's day, and at the end of the day all my mom gets is cold, runny nose, and a quiet house.

Oh, God. Protect my parents and keep them healthy please..

Komentar

Postingan populer dari blog ini

A Story of Unsuccessful Romance: Chapter 1

 I Saw You Across The Classroom I would've never thought that the moment I saw him for the first time across our classroom was the moment that I would remember for the longest time. I was just a 14 year old kid who like pretty people with pretty eyes. Little did I know I would think over him over the years.. I got accepted to one of reputable public high school in my city, barely. My name was at the bottom of selection results, like, the last 5 people who got in to this school. Nevertheless, I was excited, of course. It was my dream to be a student here since it would help me path my way to go to reputable universities in the future. Back then, this school had two special programs, the acceleration program where you could study in high school for two years, and the international program - where you (were supposed to) learn all the subjects in English. I just finished my orientation and I was initially studying at grade X (ten) - 3. My mom, who was a high school teacher herself in a...

amazing weekend

I went to Kota Tua and Monas last Friday with my housemates. I actually doubted that I could go there considering that I still had remaining undone tasks that had to be done. but since I've had the busiest week ever in May (meetings, assignments..), I decided to leave it and grab the rarest chance ever, spending time with my housemates, since we have this unmatched schedule. so we went to Kota Tua and we took a lot (trust me, A LOT) of photos with Laura's camera ;) and when the twilight touched this part of Indonesia, we set our feet to trans jakarta shelter and headed to Monas. even when hadn't touch the front gate of Monas, we already took so many pictures! hahaha you can imagine when a bunch of girls holding a camera.. we just can't hold the passion of taking pictures.. lol when we finally went back to our house, I immediately took a bath, and reached my bed to sleep because I was extremely exhausted, but happy! :D the next day, on Saturday morning, my friend asked...

Day 26 (?) - Self Quarantine

I don't know about myself anymore. I hate myself. I loathe my sister, her high voice. I hate how I become easily angry at things. I hate everything. My colleagues from work finally asked me why I am not on Twitter anymore. Oh I still am. I'm just using a different account and signed out from my main account. I hate seeing my friends there, or I just hate that I keep pouring my minds out there that I felt insecure about them reading too much of my mind. Or I just hate how intense the discussion about how Indonesian Government handle the pandemic. I don't know. I just grow distant because I am not having a real interaction there. I hate chatting on app. I really don't like every single thing. And stuck with my sister? Oh God. Can I just die already? Like instant die. Instantly vanished. My existence doesn't matter anymore I need a break from being just a pain in the ass from anyone. I hate myself so much and this is not even from my PMS talking. My period end...