22 December 2021

5 years ago, I was at the airport, waiting for my flight back to Jakarta. I wrote about it then, on this blog, how I regretted going back to Jakarta before my birthday and leaving my mom on Indonesian's Mother's Day. Now today, I am at home. Only this afternoon we all gathered in this house. My brother and his wife, my sister and her friend who came to pick her up, and mom and dad. Now, I am the only child at home. My sister went back to Jakarta and my brother, well.. he's with his wife at his in-laws'. 

I realize how quiet this house is, without my brother and my sister. Whenever they're here, I tried to make it as noisy as I can so my parents can feel how lively this house is with their children. I would find excuses to bother my sister, or to yell at my brother like we used to do when we were younger. But, they have their own life now. Well, I, have my own life too.  I am supposed to go abroad to continue my study, but my destination country chose to ✨close✨the border. I was totally upset, because I was supposed to go there earlier this month. But now, I kinda see why there's a silver lining from this delay. I get to stay at home, accompanying my parents. Imagine if I'd gone, today must've been the saddest day of their life, because they'd be left alone. Not that it would be the first time for them, since my brother once went to Jakarta too, to do his internship for 2 months. But back then there was assurance that he'd be back home. Now, he can't do that. He shouldn't do that, coming here often. He's got his own family that he has to prioritize.

This quiet house got me crying. My mom is getting old, her energy isn't what she used to have. She's been having gout that her joints are in pain. She got more wrinkles in her face, in her hand. Damn, I choke while writing this. My dad seems great, but he has high blood pressure that'll get worse if he has a lot to think about. His memory is getting worse as he ages. I know that deep down both of them just want us, the daughters, to have family on our own. I feel like it will make them more alive and will become healthier. But, you know...

Mother's day, and at the end of the day all my mom gets is cold, runny nose, and a quiet house.

Oh, God. Protect my parents and keep them healthy please..