The land breeze stopped as the funeral finished. The sky turned dark and people started to drift apart, one by one, from his grave, my cousin's grave. I looked upon the west sky as I walked by his sister's side, the sky was still pretty clear and I could see the crescent moon shining brightly again, just like the night before. And I thought to myself, "It's a good day to take some rest, Adam."
Saturday Morning
I opened my eyes and reached for the phone to check the time. It was 9.40 am. Ah, yes. I decided to continue my sleep after subuh prayer. I was too sleepy to think about yet another imaginary future life with this particular person. This person has been on my mind for as long as I can remember and I didn't know it'd drain my energy to a whole new level. As beautiful as this imaginary life could be, as much as I want it happens in a real life, I took this sweet sweet candy floss to my bed hoping my brain could render the images on my dream.
The sunshine shone through the window and I heard the neighbor's birds sang their anthem. Their lifting song is one of the reasons I don't want to move out from this place. A guilty pleasure. I feel guilty knowing they live in cages but at the same time enjoying their beautiful voice everyday. Humans.
"Muut.." a WhatsApp message popped up from my roommates group chat and after some non sense trash talk, we finally decided to grab some breakfast together. As I ignored the fact that I must change my clothes, Laura knocked on my door and barged in, then followed by Mumut. While we were continuing to share some deep dark part of us, my phone rang. Mom called.
"Na..." I heard mom's trembling voice from hundreds of miles away through this gadget. For a millisecond I was worried for what she'd day next. No, please not a bad news.
"Did you hear, Na. Adam.. Adam passed away.." My mom finally broke the news. My cousin passed away. No.
"Innalillahi wa Inna Ilaihi raaji'un.." I uttered the first sentence that we should say as a Muslim when we heard a misfortune. Laura and Mumut stopped talking and turned their faces to me. As they listened carefully what I'd say next, my mom told me the presumption cause of his death, and asking me to contact Puti, Adam's sister, my dear cousin.
My body's shaking. This situation felt surreal I didn't know what to do. My mind wandered to the strongest memory I had about him, it was the time I saw him finished his afternoon jog with his phone on his right hand and earphones plugged, in Batusangkar, our hometown, two months ago. He was just a 12 grader, God...
My mom then called me again asking me to book her flight to Jakarta, together with my dad and my uncle. After dealing some issues with the booking app, called the customer service, and rebook the flight, I told her to proceed with the payment. It was all set. We'll take you to your resting place, Adam..
"We're sorry for your loss, Kakna.." said Laura. I bitterly smile as I saw them came out of my room. I closed the door and lied my body on bed again, stared blankly at the ceiling. I can imagine what my Aunt and Puti went through. This was all of a sudden. We did not see that coming. I can imagine all of the stories they shared, the promises they made, and the memories they created together. The bond between a mother and their son, a sister with her brother, ripped off by destiny, because one's timeline is different than another. Because we have no idea how much is this borrowed time. Because we don't know how our life ends. Because we just don't know..
I know how all of that feels, yet I still didn't cry.
"Kakna, sorry I didn't answer your calls, I was with Nte Yen. We're heading to Bogor, Adam's there.." One told me where she was. A moment after that I got the same message from Tatu. I replied the texts and stared at the ceiling again. Is this even real?
On my way
My gojek driver didn't know exactly where my destination was. If this was the age of non smartphone era, I'd be lost or just take the slowest route ever, taking Angkot for a 3 hours trip from Depok to Cibubur. As I gave direction to him, I looked around the road and saw several cemeteries. That's where Adam will rest. That's where most of us are going to rest. The end line. Buried.
It was a bumpy ride. I didn't have time to complain for the work of this province's government because my mind was too busy replaying all the memories I had with Adam. Those times he celebrated Idul Fitri in Batusangkar and he brought his PSP to kill his time. The time he wore his school batik to his brother's wedding. That time he drove the car after Puti's graduation.
I started to worry that I might not be able to express my sadness and grievance. I was one of those people who will take some time alone to process my emotion, and cry. Like I had with Oma. While the fear of other people's judgment arose, after 52 minutes trip, I arrived.
Home, for The Last Time
I rushed inside and saw a woman with an orange mukena standing, and on the left side I saw Adam already covered by layers of fabric. My cousins pointed that the woman was Nte Yen and I walked to her and hugged her. And I broke. I broke into tears then that I saw that it was real. Adam's really gone and there's no way he'll be back. He's gone, joining his father there. I let go of my hug and sat in the corner. More people came, Adam's friends. They asked to see Adam one last time and as he's uncovered, they started to cry. Howling.
"Any Muslims here?" A representative from the Mosque asked them. After they said that they all are Muslims, he asked them to take Wudu so they can perform funeral prayer. I moved away and sat near the cupboard, with tears still streaming down as I saw Adam's pictures on the wall. Happy faces. His laughing face with Puti, his family portrait on his brother's graduation, his smiling photo. And there he was down under, laying, stiff, not moving. I looked away from the view and saw several trophies with Adam's name.
Again with the tears..
A Good Day to Rest
We arrived at the cemetery, to take Adam to his resting place. The land breeze blew from east to west. A field of Cogon Grass danced with the wind making rustling sound. It was peaceful and calming. We walked through the field and make a left turn to the freshly dug up ground. A tent was set above the ground, a lot of people have circled around the grave, ready to move Adam's body to the ground. The head on the north side and his feet on the south. As they finished covering up the body with pieces of woods, the cemetery men dug up the ground again to bury him. Bamboo trees on the north part of this land made the beautiful, harmonious rustling sound as the wind kept blowing until they finished burying.
I saw Puti already arrived. She tried to take the earliest flight from Surabaya but still can't see his beloved brother for the last time. I walked up to her and stood by her side, listening to her sorrows.
"I just called him yesterday, Ghin.. He promised to take me around the town next week. I planned to come home next week.. I even planned to treat him lunch since it was payday. With whom should I go, Ghin? With whom?" She told me everything about it. And I just listened, unable to find words to comfort her, to ease her pain of losing a brother. So I just stood next to her, and grabbed her shoulders.
I looked at the west sky, a crescent moon shone in the clear dark sky, competing with the bright lights of the city. And I whispered, it's a good day to take some rest, Adam.
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