Gubak Surep

My driving license expired a long time ago, and I needed to make a new one so I asked my parents in December 2016, how to create a proper motorbike driving license. They said all the processes are legit and fast now, no need to "donate" some extra money to get it all done. But I need to take the required tests in the police station of course. It was Thursday morning, and my parents took me there. They waited and made sure that I got everything settled. My mom, who is a teacher, had no classes that day and my dad, he took the day off just to accompany me. At that time, as we were waiting for the police office to be opened, I thought to myself, "Why on earth do they need to accompany me? I can do it myself." And this situation brought me back to the moment of my registration day in junior high school. Most of my friends came by themselves, with their former elementary school friends, or just their  mom or their dad. Meanwhile I came with both of my parents and someho...

The rain has stopped, and now I'm listening to a playlist on YouTube called Relaxing Rainy Jazz. The birds next door are chirping as I am trying to arrange my thoughts and write anything about me, what happened for the past year. So, I finally got a job. A permanent one, I hope. Haha. Yaa.. after a full year of struggling, I finally can make my mom cried with tears of joy. "Oh my daughter is now a candidate for civil servant. Her life is set," this is what I imagined her saying to her colleagues. I know, because that's exactly what she said to me. That she was relieved that finally I got a job. Not just a job, because I've had one or two before. It's becoming a civil servant. A parents' dream. I'd never thought that I could make my mom so happy just because I got accepted at one of the most prestigious ministries in the country. Wow. Thought I'd be a disappointment forever. No, don't get me wrong. I've always wanted to put ...

Hi 25 yo me! How are you? How is life? Good? Bad? Well,  I hope not as bad as you're doing this February 2016. Married? Who is he? Who's that unlucky male? Or still not married? Yea.. that's what I thought... Sorry. Well you know what? Whether you're married or not, starting today, going to the traditional market is on my weekly agenda you know, with Laura. Hope you're already know how to pick the best vegetables, fruits, or meat this time. where do you live now? still in Depok? come on..

Blay, apo kaba? Baa di sinan Blay? Den kangen ang, Blay.. Lai takana? Dulu ang payaaah bana didakekan Dipacik se dak amuah do Tapi duo tahun belakangan ang manjo, manjoo bana jo den Suko lalok di kamar den Lalok nempel ka den Kalau dak buliah masuak kamar, ang pasti cakar-cakar pintu mintak masuak Kalau den pulang ang selalu menghampiri Antah yobana sanang den pulang atau emang nio mintak makan Blay, makasih yo Blay. Alah mangawanan salamo den di siko. Moga-moga wak bisa sobok liak Elok-elok di sinan yo..

I woke up from a bad dream, that my mom somehow chose to leave this earth, and how she prepared for everything for us. Just before I confronted her about her choice, I woke up, sobbing really hard but no tears, had trouble breathing, and eventually shed a tear. This is the worst dream ever. Sure I had dreams like this before, that my mom passed away, but it was not like this. It was usually just people saying my mom's gone, but I never saw how or the exact moment she'd gone. But this dream, that my mom looked so much at peace that she could choose to go, without thinking that I asked her once not to go before seeing me successful, married and have kids, is so painful that I immediately sobbed and became so emotional. And to add that, I fell asleep at 8 pm and woke up at 08.30 pm because I had a dream too that my sister died. wtf brain. wtf.

I'm on the train to Jakarta Kota. Though I bought the return ticket from UI to Pasar Minggu, I took this train instead because just before I decided to take the Bogor train, my stomach hurt and I needed to find the less crowded toilet, which is in Pasar Minggu Baru station. Ok, too much (not that important) information ya? But let me explain why. I just figured out that if you think too much, or maybe just me, all the tension somehow managed to find its way to the stomach, assuming this kind of stress would be released through defecation. Well body, you're so damn wrong. This is torture. Just because I'm thinking about someone lately (you'd be surprised of how long is this), my heart beats faster. His image slightly crossed my mind, my heart hurt. I saw his name on random places, I felt like I've been electrocuted. I saw anything related to him, I held my chest as if I'm having a mini heart attack. And it happens every single time. I know exactly how to ...

I like the Moon. Not only because it is used in Islamic calendar and Chinese calendar, or its light shimmered on a dark night, but also because an Indonesian famous author once romanticise the moon as something that connects two people who are separated by distance. The only real thing that they can see at the same time no matter how far they're apart (but of course it depends on the timezone). Not the Sun, which shines so brightly during the day, but the Moon 🌒, which brings peace after a loong day at work. So every time I see the Moon, I'd capture it and just tweet it, hope anyone who shares the same sky can see it too, and know they're not alone 🙂