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The art of killing a feeling

Gue ga mau bilang ini postingan galau, lebih ke.. Dilema. Oke, why in the world ghina is in dilemma? Well, gue lagi suka sama orang, dan imajinasi gue bikin gue makin tergila-gila sama orang ini.

Nah! Itu dia. Imajinasi gue!! Gue emang suka berimajinasi. Selama ini gue ga ada masalah sama imajinasi-imajinasi gue. Mimpi-mimpi gue jadi lebih keren dan dramatis setiap gue tidur. Laura juga ngakuin kalau imajinasi-imajinasi gue berlebihan gegara gue terlalu sering nonton film. Mimpi gue bahkan udah kaya film. Hahaha. Tapii, gue nyerah kalau imajinasi ini udah mulai mempengaruhi kehidupan nyata gue, karena ujung-ujungnya pasti sakit. Imajinasi gue bikin gue terlampau banyak berharap, dan gue tau itu ga baik buat gue. Ga sehat.

Tapi, di sisi lain gue juga, enjoy the time of having a crush. Udah lama gue ga ngerasain naksir sama orang sampe kepikiran tiap hari, kebawa mimpi, dan pengen ketemu tiap saat. Sekarang akhirnya ngerasain, antara seneng dan kesel. Seneng akhirnya ga ngerasa hampa, kesel karena gue tau ini sia-sia.

Jadi, gue pengen bgt bunuh perasaan berbahaya karena pengaruh imajinasi gue ini. Cara yang gue pake adalah, curhat ke temen deket dan keluar dari kotak imajinasi gue. Kemaren gue cerita sama laura dan kak din tentang perasaan gue dan semua ke-geer-an yang gue alamin. Laura yang menurut gue lebih berpengalaman ngasih tau jangan terlalu ngarep, dan ngasih tau kemungkinan2 dari semua hal yang gue alami, yang lebih masuk akal. Besoknya, thank God gue ga ketemu orang itu, gue jadi mikir lama, duduk dekat jendela, dan dengerin lagu yang nenangin buat mikirin ulang semuanya. Blah! Macam apa aja. Sampai kosan gue baca ulang sms-sms orang itu dan dengan pikiran netral dan di luar kotak imajinasi gue, gue tau: ga mungkin. There! Perasaan gue turun jadi 66%, kaya batrai hp gue sekarang :p

Tambahan, gue pun merendahkan diri gue. Berkali-kali gue ngasih tau diri gue: knock it off, g. Wake up!

Dan proses "pembunuhan" ini masih akan berlangsung, padahal gue ga tega. Yah, seperti yang gue bilang, gue dilema. Di satu sisi gue pengen "membunuh", di sisi lain gue pengen biarin ini tetep hidup. Jadi apa? Gue biarin sekarat? Atau cuma nurunin kadarnya sampai 30%? Karna gue tau gue ga bisa berenti stalking orang itu di dunia maya.

Argh, just kill me then.

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