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oh life

I am unemployed.

Technically I am just a fresh graduate. But can a-graduate-since-6-months-ago be called a fresh graduate? does this thing have an expired date? whatever it's called, I still have no jobs. I sent like tons of my resume through company websites, via email, and a platform for job seekers like jobstreet and jobsdb. and it is a big 0. I am so proud of myself.

I figuratively have nothing to do. My daily activities are not far from laptop, bathroom, kitchen, and warung makan. This is exactly what I am not prepared. Unemployed.

sigh.

So basically I have different things to be whined about every year. There's a year where I was depressed because of my senior thesis, a year where I was worried about my college, a year about my relationship with people, and most of the years about my family. And it is time for 2015 that I worry about jobs, and.... future.

When I was in high school, when I was that naive bitch, I told my friend about life after high school. Graduating college in 4 years, get a job right after graduation, and a year later settle down to build a family with someone. I want to give my old self a bitch-slap, with a chair, on the face. sorry, too much bitches in this paragraph. I can't help it. I'm a bitch and bitching about myself.

okay.

dear past me, I did not graduate in 4 years, nor I have a job after graduation. Well, internship is not a real job. I had one, 4,5 months of works, and it's done. And dear past me, I haven't been into any relationship with the opposite sex, nor I have prepared my plan for my future life. so shut your ideal dreams, okay. We are not getting anywhere closer to our naive plan.

I know somehow I'll get there. A land where I finally have permanent job, and a partner to live with for the rest of my life. I just don't know when, or how. It's scary to think that it'll take longer than I could expect.

And for achieving things, my years are shortened. I have 17 years to cross the list that I have made. and still nothing.

nothing.

Ah, dam it.

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